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December 7th

today would've been my daughter's 8th birthday. funny thing is that i only recently realized how big she'd be after seeing a picture of our grand niece when she was 8 but it was only a couple of days ago that it hit me that she wouldn't be a baby anymore! not even a little girl actually! a big girl! that was quite a shock to the system and now i'm wondering if i should pick out different toys for the toys for tots donations i make in her honor!

going to church to light a candle didn't feel right to me today. so, i lit candles all over the house this afternoon, including 2 Mary candles. that felt right to me. i wrote to her in our journal. that felt right to me. i watched a charlie brown christmas and nestor the long eared christmas donkey this afternoon, feeling that she would've liked to watch them.

it's very hard to describe how i've felt today. a day that i'm never sure how to get through or how i'm going to get through.

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