This Perfectly Imperfect Life

Feverish, gray morning. Listening from the couch to the neighborhood waking up. Trees dripping dry now that the rain has passed. Commuters racing down our road towards the ferry. Robins and wrens bickering in the bushes under the windows. Comfort in the normalcy distracts and finally lulls me back to sleep. (written yesterday, 3/29/17)

Look up! On my walk home from my primary doctor’s office last Tuesday morning, I thought about how gorgeous the spring weather was: Despite the excessive tree pollen, the air and sky were so clear. It was sunny, and the temperature was warm enough to go without layers, but cool enough to go walking without working up a sweat. Perfect weather! Weather like this makes me happy. I looked up at the trees, now past bloom and starting to lead out in shades of red, green, and brown against a deep blue sky and thought about how grateful I am to be alive. Almost immediately I then asked myself how I can be so grateful, why am I so grateful, to be alive, despite everything I've been through, and everything I'm going through? And almost just as quickly I answered my own question(s): Because I made the effort. Because I make the effort. Because I fought for it. Because I fight for it. For years. Every day. I'm amazed I can think this was because there was a time when I'...

44* and balmy! With a touch of snow fog. Windows open in every room again today makes my heart sing! Someone in the neighborhood is having trees cut down. The chainsaw has stopped, but the wood chipper is going now. Mama kitty is purring next to me, my little shadow since yesterday. The shower upstairs is running, hissing quietly, their noise machine is too. If I can hear it plain as day down here I wonder how in the world they can sleep with it on?! Rain arrives this afternoon. A brief, few days long thaw before the cold returns. Sent from my iPhone

Outside, everything is quiet again and not just because it's nighttime. More snow is falling. The Moon keeps peeking through breaks in the racing clouds as this latest round heads out to sea and turns the snow into sparkly glitter each time. Windows in the surrounding homes glow softly, like candles. There's no traffic on our road or the highway. Sunday night in Winter. Sent from my iPhone

Looking out into the creek, snow covers the ground, outlines the trees. The bright orange brown of unknown bushes stands out against the white snow and lifeless brown bark on the trees. There are three small, green Christmas tree shaped holly trees, which refuse to show themselves in photos but stand out clear as day as I look at them now. Planted on purpose or happy accident? Tiny charcoal gray Junco birds and large Robins swoop from tree to tree as Black Birds fly overhead. Red Cardinals are sticking close to the creek, in the bushes and hopping along the snowy bank. The sky is no longer a stunning blue, but a dingy white. Clouds have arrived ahead of the next round of snow. It's cold and raw, making temps in the 20s feel bitter despite the lack of wind. Sent from my iPhone

7:30pm. And the windows and doors are still wide open. An occasional bird chirp as the sun sets and the house grows dim... (contented sigh)

Sitting by the screen door, listening to the cicada's & birds. Breeze from a whirring fan, reading, drowsy. Peace, finally. Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

About to drift off, moonlight gleaming through the window already dreaming of my northern roses at the edge of the lake basking in the same glow Their sweet, pungent scent still in my nose & heart When I see them again, they'll have finished blooming have to remember how blessed I am to have caught them in bloom at all. (Photo taken Sun. 6/12/11 at our 'home away from home'). Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Snow outlines roofs above and weeds below Smoke drifts from chimneys Fog lumbers about slowly Cars line up at the traffic light to turn onto the highway Clocks tick Bluejays argue The tea kettle boils A Cardinal sings despite the cold, gray morning Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Steamy. Opressive. Breath-taking. Humbling. Sun's peaking through the thinning clouds as it sets, turning some clouds a pale pink against the gray. Storms passed through at dinner time but heat & moisture still make it a chore to be outside. Sitting on the porch I'm surrounded by pungent scents; the moldy wood of 'Oranges & Lemons' Blanketflower and the purple Butterfly Bush (Buddleia davidii) which reminds me of Easter Hyacinth's though not as strong. Even the sour scent of salty sea water is in the air right now! (Good Lord, try and say that 10 times fast, lol!) Just a few moments out here is all I wanted. Doc told me not to be out in this weather before I left the office today. (It was iv treatment day). The din from 62 plus air conditioners running at the same time doesn't make it hard to head back inside to cool off and rest. What's missing here? Crickets. No crickets chirping here yet but they're around us, down on the beach and just...

Frustrated Sad Lonely Scared? Clueless Overwhelmed Drifting Living Not living. Stale Too settled. Comfortable Uncomfortable Not where I belong. Where do I belong? Left behind. Staying put. Don't want to stay put. Restless Scared Undecided Purging Turning back to the soil to help me find my way. Will I ever find my way? Floating Unsure Insecure Old before my time. Straddling my youth & my fading youth. Back to doing what's easy instead of what's best. Saying goodbye. Saying hello. On-shore breeze is making it chilly. Air is warm, ocean is cold. The fog is rolling in again. Posted via My Palm Centro.

Sore muscles Cramped hands Chapped lips Windblown cheeks Knotted hair Sleepyheads Damp clothes Wet boots Broken shovels Tired snowblowers Joyful children Weary adults Stunning beauty

Snow & sleet are falling again. A comforting, safe feeling. Muffled, quiet but for the plane flying very low overhead. Surprised to hear any planes at all, there hasn't been many flying over us of late. Sad evening. Two old beloved pups put to much needed rest. Hubby & Nephew, heart broken.

Golden sun light warms the color of all it touches, casting friendly shadows Sirens blare to and from the fireman's fair around the corner The air is gloriously cool, barely 70 degrees, the low humidity such a relief Our home smells of cinnamon and vanilla, another batch of zucchini bread baking in the oven, this time with dried cranberries instead of raisins Sunflowers bloom elsewhere but will bloom in my garden sometime this month, Morning Glories blooming on the trellis since last week The mole is back, I found more of his mounded trails again this afternoon in the back yard The fat little black mouse is back too, scurrying to and from the thick over growth on the other side of the fence out back to eat bird seed The windows & doors have been open all day for the first time in weeks Finally the courtyard is quiet, all seem to be in for the evening or at the fair Lightning bugs, taking flight, blinking Crickets chirping, Cicada's buzzing grumpily, some other kind of insec...

Country music playing softly on the radio Rain falling, pouring since 5, tapping & thudding on the roof, splashing in the lake A single bird chirping merrily Suddenly sleepy again Doe walked up to me at dusk last night not 10 feet from me Wild Turkeys and their young around the bend the little ones following their parents as if exclaiming, "Mama! Mama! Mama!" Great Blue Heron, stood regal lakeside in the afternoon sun BEAR up in the tree Correction, Bear under the tree He causes a commotion, interrupts my writing, then wanders off before I can take a picture Hhrumph.Some nerve!

(taken last night while sitting on our patio) 7:26pm (Tues 4/28/09) After such a HOT day A GLORIOUS breeze Resting outside Too warm in Cars on the highway A daddy & little girl talking on their deck Ceasar kitty picking on the screen door Motorcycle Crazy squirrel scraping his teeth on a rock Another breeze My wind chimes tinkering Hate going inside on evenings like this