Skip to main content

panick attack!

Thursday, October 18, 2007 4:29:55 PM

ugh! here i am, supposed to be trying to write a scary story (for our little writer's group given the time of year!) and it's 74 degrees with 87% humidity! we had more fall like weather in august than we've had since the beginning of fall last month!

but, more so than anything right now, i'm panicking! panicking because i emailed hubby's resume this afternoon to a company in pennsylvania. and what sucks is that this spring i was ready to leave nj! and when hubby left agent orange for the wolf in sheeps clothing this may and told me that there wasn't even a reason to visit tennessee, i was so crushed to my very soul, i didn't think i'd get over it! to say the least, i haven't been happy with the thought of staying in nj, but i decided to accept it and be thankful for where i live and what i have instead of not appreciating it and being all "woe is me." hubby and i talked recently and he said we'd be here about another year.

he's mentioned this company in pa before. i know he's not happy where he is. he was supposed to have been hired for sales. instead he's unloading trucks in receiving. i'm not demeaning that kind of work. it's not what hubby wants to do, it's not what we were told he'd be doing and he's not happy doing it. given his sales record at agent orange, it's ridiculous that they'd waste him in receiving! they had talked with him about doing some overtime and maybe transferring to another department and even though it wasn't the sales dept., he was very open to it and agreed. today he found out they hired outside people for that very same department! hence the calls from him for me to email his resume.

i'm scared to death. terrified. i know i do this every time we talk of moving to pa or tn, and this could be such a reaction because i'm still sick with this head cold & bronchitis, but all these scary thoughts keep running through my mind! like, he'll have work, what will i have?! i'll be all alone! i won't have my mom & aunt judy, brenda, michelle or kathy. (i have gillian regardless thanks to email and blogging!) our phone bill will run a fortune! and i just found that writer's group that even after only 2 meetings i'm enjoying so much! yes, there's the internet and email and blogging... this may be an apartment but this is my home. i'm sorry to say it like that ~ my home and not our home. but it really is my home. and i have a back yard! a place to sit outside! i've never had either one!

oh, but some body was listening when i was talking to my mom on the phone the other day. murphy's law i suppose! i was telling her how hubby was looking into reeb millwork and where they were and how we said to one another that we keep saying "we're gonna, we're gonna, we're gonna" and we've just got to do it!

i've been trying to reason with myself about all of this. regardless of this unseasonably warm weather we're having, this is the slow time of year and anything that can be done now can't be counted on in case winter makes it's appearance ~ especially in pa! (where most of that state still actually has winter!) so maybe this wouldn't be something that would happen overnight. and would the property management company he works for right now have one of their pa properties open for a resident manager that we could transfer to? and if so are they to where this company is? and would i like living in eastern pa? (we originally planned on northern in the mountains area). i know the town the company is in has a river running though it...

that's always one of my first thoughts ~ will i be close to water?! i have been nearly all my life! heck, there's a creek that runs along the opposite side of the property from us!!! i need water, regardless of what form it comes in (though i do prefer bigger than the creek we've got here!)!

i'm also afraid that my bouts of depression will be worse when we move out of state. they're better now that we moved here, but still bad at times. what will happen to me if i'm in an area where i know no one and am truly alone?

Comments

I should have posted about this earlier - you'll always be stuck with me - no matter where our husband's jobs may take us! Internet, phone, visits!

Popular posts from this blog

An Enchanted Garden Party

Welcome to my post! To visit other participants, please head over to the Practical Magic Blog Party 2010 blog. I must say that while I think Practical Magic the movie is adorable, I think the novel is incredible. And that is where I gleaned my inspiration from for these festivities. Gardens are mysterious, magical and enchanting, don't you think? Now follow me out into the garden, I have everything all ready for you, including music! (Turn your volume on). *Update: Music has reverted to my regular Fall soundtrack, 9/28/2010* For all of you non Practical Magic Blog Party folks, head on over to NJ Through My Eyes where I've posted 2 new slide-shows today; one is a preview of a new project I'm working on!

2009 Halloween Fete! (Saturday October 17, 2009) **UPDATED!** This shindig is still going strong!

Welcome! I'm so happy to have had so many visitors already! I must apologize for not being ready for you earlier! I also apologize for the wacky font sizes throughout my post. No matter how hard I try, I can't correct them. If music doesn't begin playing shortly after your arrival, scroll down until you see a purple music widget begin to load in the left hand column and wait until you hear the music before scrolling back up here. Happy Halloween Fete 2009! Love and Spookiness to All! ~Jo (Continue scrolling down until the end of the post) Outside, it's a gloomy & cold day here on the NJ coast. Many a restless Spirit wander here on days like this. One can never be too sure if the fog & mist are just as they seem. Inside, it is warm yet equally frightful! Creepy crawlies have gotten into the food & drink, I so hope you don't mind! What with all of the party hopping we're doing, I didn't want you to bust a gut, so I've laid out some Pumpkin Cook...

A Walk Through The (Dis)Enchanted Forrest (Halloween Party Post)

Welcome & thank you for visiting my post! For more Halloween fun today & throughout the weekend, visit A Fanciful Twist . For more Halloween & Autumn Fun, check out my "Autumn Tuesday" & "Halloween Thursday" posts by clicking on their labels in the left hand column. ~Happy Halloween & Pumpkin Blessings! *Update for those friends wondering, I put this together prior to surgery yesterday to make sure I would be able to post it for today! (Though it didn't post at 12:01am like it was supposed to). Anyhoo, I'm home and resting (uncomfortably). Surgery went well, my kidney tube and stone are gone! I have an internal stent on the left hand side but I'm okay with that because it comes out in the doctor's office in 2-3 weeks (no back to the hospital) and especially because it meant they could take that nephrostomy tube out! (The last nearly 2 weeks of that 15 weeks was rough with that thing, my body was simultaneously trying to heal aroun...