This Perfectly Imperfect Life

day before yesterday i started watching sex and the city season 3. yesterday i watched the episodes when carrie's first with aidan ~ new love in spring in nyc! and that's when it hit me ~ i'll never experience that again with hubby! yes, i'm still completely madly head over heals in love with him & hot for him, but maybe i didn't savor that part of us long enough or try to make it last as long as it possibly could because we just fit so well together right from the first moment. i was a little startled at the thought, even a little sad. speaking of nyc! around the 3rd week of march, i'm going to spend the weekend in nyc with one of my longtime best friends, spirited singleton ~ (see my links section for her blog!) i can't wait! i've always wanted to live & work in nyc, even if only for a brief time ~ i so live vicariously through her! anyway, 2 spots i definately want to hit are 'the strand' bookstore and 'conways' clothing store...

i just finished spending the day with my mother. as i write this, i'm wolfing down 2 caramel chocolates, a devil's food twinkie and a glass of iced tea. NEED I SAY MORE?!?!?!?!?! anyway, it's such a long story, i don't know how to make it short! i/we wanted my mother to live closer to us. i was very unsure of having her live in the same complex as me given how the over 2 years went in the last complex we all lived in. i knew which full size 1 bedroom apartment she'd like in the complex we live in & run. but she chose a different one, a small 1 bedroom apartment. and she HATES it and the neighbors below her. she moved in late may of '06. she hasn't bought a new bed and sleeps on a blowup one in the living room. she gave us her sectional couch because she wanted a new one and i only took it because she promised me she was going to buy one. never did. she got rid of her dining room table before moving because she wanted a new one. never bought...

as i said in yesterday's post, i am going to give up wasting time for lent and now i've decided that i'm adding daily exercise. i've accomplished some today: got up early ~ finished cleaning the living room couches (did all the vacuuming, scooping the litter boxes, cleaning the bathroom, laundry & 2 loads of dishes, etc. yesterday) ~ went to the foodstore for a few things ~ invited my mom over and had her watch the oprah show i taped yesterday about how people live and decorate in small spaces (because she complains that her 600 square foot apt. is too small - tape showed people who live in nyc in 250, 265 & 550 square foot apt's !) ~ filled out a lease for an applicant who's coming by at 4pm to sign it ~ made a follow up appt. for hubby's sinus dr ~ tried calling my aunt but got her machine... what i still want to do today is: complete 2 exams ~ situps & stomach crunches ~ write ~ figure out if i'm going to schedule things for each day ...

@ keyport marina ~ cute, eh?! @ atlantic highlands marina @ atlantic highlands marina @ atlantic highlands marina @ atlantic highlands marina looking towards sandy hook @ mt. mitchell, atlantic highlands looking towards highlands marina

first off, let me say that yes, i'm religious, in my own ways ~ i think everyone should keep religion in their own ways and no one's ways are better than someone else's and no one religion is the "right" one or better one and we should all be tolerant regardless, though i am not in favor of pushing one's belief's on others and do not tolerate that. that being said, either sometime yesterday or this morning (hey i'm lucky i've remembered this at all without writing it down!), i decided that i'm going to give up wasting time for lent this year. before you scoff at me, if you've read any of my previous posts, this is something i struggle with daily and have for years. whether it's depression, learned or just laziness, i don't honestly know, but, i really want to make a concerted effort to change it. i don't know if i'm going to start with a schedule or just have a list of tasks for each day, i'll work that out on the compu...

2/14/07 ~ when the freezing rain started pouring down again in the afternoon, this little guy took refuge in the lattice above our patio! 2/14/07 ~ i know it's hard to see, but, here's our living room at the end of a cold & stormy valentines day! 2/14/07 ~ the beautiful strawberry ice cream colored roses hubby gave me a day early for valentine's! 2/14/07

2/16/07 2/16/07 2/16/07 2/14/07 ~ there's ice in them thar hill! 2/14/07 ~ my poor dogwood! 2/14/07 ~ view of the back of our property (fantastic pic if you click on it to see it close up!) 2/16/07 2/16/07

problems with our prescription plan again. actually, it's not their fault. it's agent orange's fault. (my "pet name" for the retail warehouse home improvement company i worked for and hubby still does). i am so sick to death of all the bs that comes along with dealing with agent organe. we enroll in benefits every november. we opted out of mandatory mail order for prescriptions, as usual. we get 2 confirms of enrollment, 1 in nov and 1 in dec. agent orange transfers ALL employee prescriptions to caremark mail order in january 07 without notifying anyone. here we go again. just when i think things are going ok i get kicked in the teeth repeatedly in one day. (see prev post). i get so tired of this. no matter what i try to do, i get fucked. why does everything have to be so damn hard all the time? it's been hard for so long, can't i get a break now & again?! it really starts to wear me down. crap. here come the tears. ***ck out my pics of our icy Valenti...

my mother lives in the apartment complex we run. i was going to clean off her car yesterday afternoon, after shoveling 13 porches, but hubby said to wait until the storm was completely over. i called her around 10am this morning to let her know i'd get out there asap today but i wasn't sure what time ~ i'd been dealing with the plumber, an unexpected fridge delivery & removal, faxing paperwork and phone calls all morning and at 2pm i was meeting with someone to fill out an application for a vacant apartment. about 1pm i noticed my mother out by her car and i went outside and told her i'd come out & help her. she responded with "don't bother." i said "what's your problem?!" "you couldn't have told me there was this much ice on my car yesterday?!" i said "if the fact that there was over 3 inches of solid ice on your deck by 5pm yesterday and watching all the neighbors helping one another clean off their cars yesterday...

looks beautiful doesn't it?! thank goodness we only lost power briefly 3 times in the afternoon.

if you have an electric stove (like we do) and there's a good chance of losing power during a winter storm, heat/make dinner a head of time, keep whatever you've cooked in it's pot or baking dish, wrap the heck out of it with tin foil and place it in the oven ~ that way if you do lose power and don't have an alternate means of cooking, you'll still have a hot/warm meal at the end of a cold & stormy day! (i did this today with a pot of stew from last night and it worked great!!!)

since we've been in the midst of a nasty winter storm since late in the evening yesterday, hubby surprised me with strawberry ice cream colored roses and a card last night!!! (he didn't want to risk not being able to get out & get anything today!) what an icy, windy mess we've got going on here! it started as snow last night after dinner and quickly changed to freezing rain within the hour and it's been that way since about 8pm last night! it's supposed to change to rain for a few hours around noon then back to snow around 3pm and then the temperature's going to plummet and stay in the teens and 20's for days! everything's going to turn into a sheet of ice! (the marina's been frozen for a while now ~ i took some great pics this past sunday & yesterday which i'll have to post). hubby's out with the snow blower now ~ he's having a time of it trying to push it along - it doesn't look like he's getting much traction eve...

this is for all my (blossom swap!) gardening buddies out there! february 5, '07: february 4, '07: february 3, '07: last week of january, '07:

Date:Mon, 5 Feb 2007 20:09:58 -0800 (PST) nights like this make me truly appreciate & remind me of how thankful i am 4 having shelter, warmth & food. whenever the weather is @ an extreme, im thankful like this. ive been cold & used my gas stove & oven 2 keep warm. ive been so poor that ive gone 2 bed hungry because i could only eat 1 meal a day. ive been closer than u can imagine 2 losing the roof ovr my head-more than once.

if one more person asks us "when are you going to start having babies?" or "why don't you have any babies yet" i'm liable to... i don't know what, but, it won't be good, i can tell you that much! i've never, in my life, pestered married people with the above questions and i can't stand that people are doing it to me/us! do they really want to know?! what if i told them we haven't had children yet not just because of my physical health, but that i'm absolutely terrified of the idea of raising children as a whole ~ that i'm terrified that i'll become deathly ill again while pregnant and we'll have to make a decision that no one should ever have to make, one that's devastated me for the past nearly 8 years already and i don't think i could survive again ~ that my husband is 10 years older than i am and he already works so much and so hard and is just plain tired from a long, hard & hard working life and i'm n...

we stayed in yesterday after going out for breakfast. nope ~ no super bowl parties! (are those gasps of outrage i hear?!) just like christmas day, it was wonderful coming in from the cold and watching hubby just relax for the day. i joined him periodically as he stretched out on the couch, watched a 'ghost hunters' marathon on scifi and finished up his latest book from the library. i too was reading and watching tv off & on. i didn't feel well at all throughout the afternoon so i spent some time just hanging out in the kitchen to give him some quiet space. besides, if i was going to get sick to my stomach, i'd rather stick my head in the huge garbage can we have in there as opposed to the bathroom toilet! i know, too much info! actually, i love spending time in my kitchen! everyone gravitates there when we have company! i just have to get a comfy chair in there. those wooden table chairs are hell on my back! we shared 2 bowls of pop corn & soda's ...

not that i care one way or the other, but "go bears!"

last saturday, while hubby was working and it was cold & grey out, i spent the day putzing about the house and watching the 1st season of roseanne (on dvd). i love watching the first few seasons of roseanne. i love how everything looks, how everyone dresses and how their hair is done. i love how roseanne, jackie and crystal would go out to the lobo (bar) for drinks & pizza. (yes, i know it's a fictional show!) i've never had that & still don't. and watching this last saturday, i thought of how weekends used to be weekends! after school & after work were just that! friday nights were looked forward to w/excitement! all before the age of all stores being open 7 days a week & open late every night ~ before the age of revolving shifts for industries other than factories... today it's been finishing the book "round robin" (an elm creek quilts series book from jennifer chiaverini) and watching sex and the city, the end of season 2 and now...

top of the computer desk in our bedroom view of our living room windows from outside on the porch view of our living room windows from outside this is in reverse! close up of our mantle wihtout the candles lit ~ those are red & white candly cane lights from christmas "illuminating" the mantle! our mantle in the living room!

i hope the movie ground hog day is on today! i am so tired! and my ears ache. (ear infection?) i'm still not over being sick. i didn't have anything specifically planned for today ~ thought i may go to the library, but, it's very nasty out - cold, damp & cloudy, so i think i'm just going to stay in. i was out for a few hours yesterday which is why i'm probably so worn out today. i may be used to feeling like crap, but man i'm tired of it!