This Perfectly Imperfect Life

It's a messy day in the neighborhood here in our neck of the NJ coast. The ice which coated everything this morning has begun to melt as the sleet & freezing rain has turned to rain. We're very lucky to have not lost power though since yesterday morning there has been a "digital channel service disruption" in our area with the cable; the tv's with cable boxes have no channels so we disconnected one box in order to see the news & weather channels (without the box there's no issue - no 24 hours of Ground Hog Day on Encore dernit). I'm glad that's the worst of it so far. It's a good day to say in and, as pictured above, you can see that's what I'm doing. Curled up under my favorite quilt with Country Homes & Interiors (British Edition) & Artful Blogging and a kitty (or two, the other is out of the frame). I don't have much of a choice in the matter as I started having bouts of extreme dizziness on Monday which is so far b...

Happy Winter Solstice and first day of Winter to you! What an incredible way to say goodbye to Autumn and hello to Winter with the Lunar Eclipse. Unfortunately because we live down in the bottom of a 'valley,' the Moon was no longer visible here during the time of the eclipse. (Yes, I was up & about checking!) Our little kitty patient Pinky is doing Much better! Thanks to my wonderful Vet who re-prescribed Pinky's steriod in pill form (the on-call Vet gave me the liquid which made him sick to his stomach twice) and who told me to put Pinky's meds (the pill, cut into smaller pieces and his antibiotic) in a saucer & mix the meds with some sardines to trick the persnickety little smart cat into taking the meds with no problem! It works like a charm! (Thank God!) A follow up at the Rheumologist today; last month's bloodwork shows my kidney & liver functions are perfect! ( Thank God!) My vitamin d is low but between my multi-vitamin and a prescription D3 of ...

Not only is it December, but it's December 2nd. I would say, "already?!" but that doesn't even begin to describe how I feel about this fact. See, for me, it's like last week was New Year's 2010 and I was making plans for this year, taking our annual walk in a park with Hubbs on New Year's day; yesterday it was 4th of July weekend and we were having dinner with our neighbors up north; (then we all know what happened to me that weekend); and now Thanksgiving has come and gone, it's December and my year is just about over. WHAT?! I enjoyed Thanksgiving but for me it was very out of place, didn't feel like it was time to be watching the Macy's Parade and A Miracle On 34th Street. I did start decorating for Christmas the day after Turkey Day but even that felt odd. Up until yesterday, our temps have been unseasonably warm and even humid at times with a cold day or two thrown in here & there. (Thankfully it cooled off a little for Thanksgiving...

I've been good at doing just that (turning upheaval into revival) for so long now, I think I've run out of steam with it. I don't think I can do it any more. I don't know if I want to. Guess I'll have to wait & see. I am worn out. Physically and emotionally. I feel so old yet I'm "only" in my 35th year of life! Last Friday's surgery was harder on me than I expected. Much harder. I know, I should have expected it to be, after all, 2 surgeries and a life threatening illness within 3.5 months is a lot for anyone, but perhaps it was better for me that I didn't anticipate it being so hard afterwards. I was nervous enough. I've managed to get out twice this week but the outtings were very short because I'm in pain and exhausted. I'm glad I got out though. I can barely stand to be in the house any more. Especially at this, my favorite time of year. I feel as though Autumn is passing as quickly as water through my fingers from a faucet....

Well, Chuck in Staten Island NY is predicting an early Spring While Phil in Pux. PA is predicting 6 more weeks of Winter. (Big, heated long standing rivalry there!) Had there been a groundhog here, (Atlantic Highlands Harry would be a good name I think!), he definately would've seen his shadow since it's been sunny & in the 50's all day! So, that would mean 6 more weeks of Winter! (As my Mom always says, "it's 6 more weeks of Winter either way" ~ Duh). I awoke this a.m. with a skull splitting sinus headache so it's time for another round of antibiotics because I don't want to have this when we fly down to TX on the 13th. (Flying + sinus problems ='s Pain, suffering and BLEAH!) I've also got to rinse out the Neti pot and start washing out my sinuses again. With much consideration, I cancelled my NY Times Weekender subscription (delivery Fri thru Sun). The sections I read are all online at http://www.nytimes.com/ and it will save us about $2...

Well, Sis is on her way back to Texas. Vic and nephew are taking her to the airport now. I'm staying at home, nursing a sinus headache & heartburn - I'm freezing! It was a nice visit but things were getting cramped this last week.

A lovely way to start another busy day! One of my Apple Blossom Amaryllis began opening the day before. Each year I take pics of my Amaryllis as they make their yearly journey to brighten my days with their beauty! (A slight correction to my Amaryllis post from last wk or the wk before: Put Amaryllis in late morning & afternoon sun - you can keep them in indirect sun also). It's been hectic as of late! Vic threw out his back (or something) last Tuesday and is still home from work! He's on muscle relaxers & prescrip ibuprophren, has been to 2 dr's and is starting physical therapy today. Xrays this coming week probably followed by mri. He's going on State disability since he's got no paid time left at work. Sis-in-law arrived this past Saturday evening from Texas for a 3 week visit and our Nephew arrived this Monday for her 60th birthday and to stay with us for awhile! (And he's decided to go back to not eating meat so he's on his own with making dinne...

Thurs 8/28/08 10:49pm I'm feeling very lacking, stuck, stifled, defensive, restless, boring, can’t breathe, frustrated, tired of struggling, distracted, average, exhausted, stung, beaten, pointless, anything but independent, angry, guilty, restless, defeated, hurt, boxed in, choked, insignificant, overwhelmed, stiff, inferior, resentful, trapped, skittish, aimless, undermined, drifting, suffocated, hopeless, ungrounded, not confident, powerless, creatively constipated, unfocused, clueless, worthless, no grasp on time… I don’t feel like a person, like a whole human being. I feel hugely inadequate and put down. I want to feel and be unique, creative, strong, sassy, confident, accomplished, together… Someone people gravitate towards! Awesome to be around! Friday, September 05, 2008 2:13pm I wrote the above the Sunday night before last, in bed, when I couldn’t sleep. While it’s a bit redundant, it’s what I’ve been feeling as of late. I don’t know what it is really. A BIG par...

Thursday, July 31, 2008 9:03:04 AM Started Yesterday, 7/30/08 My mind is so full lately! (Writing wise and other wise!) Last Wednesday, I wrote about how a NY Times article led me to wonder what I’m trying to capture in all the photo’s I take of my flower’s and veggies! The article was about journalist/author/critic Janet Malcolm, who’s book “Burdock” comes out tomorrow, which is a new venture for her. The book is comprised of 28 photo’s of 28 different Burdock tree leaves and a 2 page essay introduction. Her editor, Ilene Smith, says they (the leaves) are Janet’s “ultimate biographical subject” and “are also at some level deeply autobiographical.” (Link to article: http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/20/arts/design/20shat.html?scp=2&sq=Janet%20Malcolm&st=cse ) Later the same day, I also wrote about how I worry about my potted treasures (flowers & veggies) when I know there are nasty storms coming! (Silly, I know!) I recalled how I’ve been known to wildly run outside in the mid...

It is SO beautiful up here in Susquehanna County, PA! My whole being is breathing a sigh of relief since getting up here last night, literally! You have no idea! I am so at peace here! No better place to celebrate the 4th of July!

Bout 100 degrees today! So hot that even with the ac on, it got to 75 degrees in our livingroom! The kitchen was even hotter! Tomorrow is supposed to be worse! Even if I did not have pleuracy, I would not go out in this heat! The ac in my truck is broken! More lovely roses opened today! About 6! 9 more buds appeared too! I am very pleased with this garden purchase!

You betchya we are! High 90s yesterday, the same today and through Wednesday! It is 10:44pm and 83 degrees with 70 percent humidity!!! Not a bad time to be under Doctors orders to rest and take it easy! My strep infection started to go into the lining of my lungs, something called pleuracy. It is very painful and can make breathing difficult too, not to mention already being run down from the strep infection and having my Monthly Visitor! Oh, this pic was taken this afternoon when I ventured outside to see how all of my flowers and veggies are doing in this heat! It is 1 bloom on my Rosa Radcon Pink Knockout Rose.

Yesterday I did end up taking a walk to buy flowers yesterday afterall. The walk there was windy with rumbles of thunder coming from the dark grey clouds. I asked Brianna which flowers she wanted me to pick and felt drawn to the ones I picked. The walk home was still and disgustingly humid! I talked with her along the way about the flowers and where to put them. Once home, I put my treasures on the patio table and changed into a tank top and shorts. I lit both of my Blessed Mother Mary candles, placing one on the mantle and one on the patio table. Afraid it was going to pour at any moment, I set to placing the flat of magenta Petunia's and 1/2 flat of pale lilac colored Petunia's into their new homes. I took some pics which I'll post soon. Honestly, I did a bit too much physically, given the humidity and just having had an i.v. treatment 2 days before, but I kept plugging away, chest pains & all until I was finished! Then I sat for a long while. When the rain finally ca...

I had my 4th I.V. treatment at home on Tuesday. It left me very tired and wheezy, but ok. Yesterday, because I woke feeeling fine, I did a little too much off the bat and found myself having 2 big dizzy spells & back to being as exhausted as I was the previous evening! I knew I should rest, but I didn't want to go back inside, so I sat in the sun in one of the adirondack chairs you've seen many times in my photo slideshows here. For as long as I've had them where they are now, I've never sat in either of them! (Since last summer when the relandscaping was done?!) It was very windy which made sitting in the sun so comfortable and relaxing! (Gorgeous weather but the wind blew pollen around like crazy so everything was glowing with a greenish coating of it by dinner! I had so many sneezing fits!) Initially, I wrote in my journal for awhile, about some things I did outside, a few things I'd like to do out back to make things look better and seeing the 1st butterfly ...

finally! we've had some showers & boomers (thunder) since friday & saturday nights, but, overall no significant rain for nearly 10 days until yesterday and today! temps are low, but it's dowright humid! yick! there are many things i want to do with my days & i just never seem to get anything overly constructive done! and i'm not sure how this happens! i'm so frustrated with myself!

when did i start liking the smell of fresh cut grass?! i've never liked that scent! i've always loved how grass clippings smell after they've been lying around for a few days ~ such a deliciously sweet summery scent! (now that's a scented candle i'd buy!) but lately i've found myself taking long, slow deep breath's when i smell fresh cut grass! (that'll last 'til my allergies start kicking up from the grasses!) i realized last week that i HATE the color hunter green. i'd gotten away from it for years & realized that it's back in my home & i'm not sure why! it was one thing to get my old sleeper love seat out of storage & use it ~ it's hunter green. that one item of hunter green is fine. but i see that the color hunter green has started popping up all over the house! the quilt set my mom got us last year (or was it the year before?) has a lot of hunter green in it, so there's hunter green in our bedroom. there's a ...

Heavy showers passed through yesterday from about 5p through 6p and the sun popped out and this HUGE rainbow appeared! The cool thing is that 1 end of it ended across the street in the yard of a house on the highway! Ive never seen the end of a rainbow before! Beautiful and uplifting - truly appreciated after the nasty fight I had with Mom earlier in the day!

i can't believe it's after 3pm already. i've done nothing today. nothing. i feel like crap. i'm tired. i haven't had a restful night's sleep in a while cause we desperately need a new mattress. it's so uncomfortable & painful. we flipped & rotated it last night, can't tell if it's helping yet. i've got HUGE, painful pimples on my face (mainly on my chin) that aren't going away. no matter how much i scrub and put stuff on them. i've got a headache & my head's all congested. i'm hungry lately ALL THE TIME! today i'm also on the verge of tears for some unknown reason. i'm a writer. i'm supposed to be a writer and i can't write. i don't write. i don't know what's wrong with me sometimes.

Gad! No wonder people have a hard time believing I am in my 30s! The Enbrel shots cleared up my skin. The Remicade makes me more oily than a grease vat! And I have a painful game of connect the dots going on on my face!

yeesh! yesterday started off with a NASTY sinus headache on top of my cold! i was in bed until about 3:30 yesterday afternoon! throughout the day i was also getting either back spasms or stabbing kidney pains on my right side, so i'm not sure if my back's acting up or if i've got kidney stones again! i took my 2nd to last exam for my gardening & landscape design class and got a 75% on it (my lowest grade for the entire course!) but at least i passed! got 1 left and i plan to take that later today! once i was finally up & about, i took some garbage out & found the beauties in the pics above just outside my fence by a tree! (only they had no pots!) guess someone decided they'd had enough of their easter flowers! i was so excited & uplifted by this find! ('a gift' as i called it!) ok, that's actually an understatement! i was giddy over it! (yup, i'm a gardening geek through & through!) once they're done blooming, i can either le...