This Perfectly Imperfect Life

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Through my tears, on this beautiful Autumn-like day, much like it was 11 years ago, I am taking the time to especially appreciate my blessings today, in the garden & out. After today I can stop holding my breath.  Until the wheel of the year returns us to this point once again. A single, white memorial candle is lit on the mantle and will stay lit until I go to sleep tonight. I will never forget. I am thankful for this day in spite of the tears & heartache because it is without a doubt the best reminder for me to appreciate being alive, living with disease & all.  (If you would like to read my September 11th story, please click here ).  I listen to the names being read from the WTC site memorial and then spend time taking stock, followed by planning for Autumn.  It is a deeply reflective day for me. My love to all today.   

And I hope you never will either. September 11, 2001. If you'd like to know my September 11th story, click HERE . Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Ten years ago today, it was the day before our lives and world were changed, directly & indirectly, by the horrific death and destruction of September 11th. I'm fighting to keep the tears from falling, I'm not ready yet. With all of the stresses the last few weeks because of Hurricane Irene, the approach of September 11th has been too much. Unlike previous years, I haven't watched the documentaries containing footage of images that have given me nightmares all these years. I can't watch anything to do with September 11th without being completely choked up or crying, even now, 10 years later. I doubt that will ever change. Today I'm heading down to the harbor for the annual flea market, something I always look forward to. But, unlike 10 years ago, I won't see the Twin Towers when I look across to Manhattan Island and today especially (and tomorrow during the Memorial Services), that will bring my soul to tears. Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBer...

It is a beautiful Fall-like day here today, though the sky isn't as brilliantly blue as on the day that changed my world, our world forever. Nine years have passed since September 11th, 2001 yet, for me, it always feels like that terrifying day just happened recently. As I listen to the names of those innocent lives lost, the tears come as freely as ever. It's difficult for me to reconcile the fact that nine years have passed and so quickly. This is one of the times of the year that make me take stock in myself and my life (the others being my birthday in May, Halloween and New Years) and this year I find that I am truly disappointed in myself overall. It could be the lingering blah's from my Summer illness. For the most part, I feel like I could have done more with the time given to me since September 11th... But is that just a natural, human feeling even though you may have done the best you could with what you've had? I don't know. I need to journal on thi...

Happy Friday! Just had to share these pics with all of you, taken yesterday. My other blog abode, New Jersey Through My Eyes is back with my "Labor Day Scenes of My NJ" photo slide show. Head on over to take a look. Like other students in our area, I also went back to hitting the books this week. Since my Summer was derailed by my unexpected illness, I'm trying to get back on track and one of the first things I'm working on is my online Interior Design course. I'd like to finish it this Fall or this Winter at the latest. Our weather has turned cool, breezy and humidity free! I have all of the windows & doors wide open, no fans or ac on. This kind of weather and Fall in general gets me going and inspires me creatively too. I started purging again yesterday. I got rid of 7 or 8 mugs from the kitchen (they were all chipped) and reorganized 2 kitchen cabinets. (Yes, I still have over 40 (well over 40) but I love my mugs!) Then I went to work on the books ...

Local September 11th Memorial destroyed in the recent storm. Posted via My Palm Centro.

(Written throughout the week of and on September 11, 2009) I was supposed to be on the 78th floor of World Trade Center Tower 2 that morning. Instead, I was safe at home in my living room. People I would've been working with, my boss (the wonderful man who hired me), gone. People I didn't have a chance to get to know and wish I did. I called out of my job that morning because I didn't have faith in myself & my abilities and therefore no courage to continue working in Manhattan - no, the job itself wasn't what I wanted to do, but I'd always dreamed of working in NYC, because it was a Beautiful Autumn morning and I just didn't have it in me to go into work. I'd been up for awhile but only turned on the tv just before the 2nd plane hit. They were only reporting Tower 1 was on fire at that point. They didn't know. A few moments later, I watched a plane swoop around the Towers and fly strait into Tower 2. My Tower. My floor. The tv screen went to snow. (I...

If you have a moment, please scroll down until you see the green music widget let it load and listen to the song I've chosen for today, "Where Were You...?" by Alan Jackson. (This will only be on the widget from 9/10 thru 9/14). No matter when I hear this song, my tears flow. So true. A wonderful gift for us to remember we aren't alone in what we experienced and felt 8 years ago today. This morning I put the above together on the mantle, to honor those lost 8 years ago today. For me, this is part of the 30 Days of Creativity in September.

What I do is perhaps small but it's what I can do and I feel I must do something, anything to let those lost know I will Not forget. So I've changed my blog background and tomorrow will light candles on the mantle, watch the Memorial ceremonies, go to see the beams of light in the Towers' footprints. A day filled with tears, memories, guilt and thanks. I was supposed to be on the 78th floor of World Trade Center Tower 2 that morning. Instead, I was at home, safe in my living room. Where were you when the world stopped turning?

This has been floating around facebook and I was "tagged" there post mine (which I did today) but thought I'd post it here too, just fyi. Feel free to do the same on your own blog! 1> I love mugs and have more than any 1 (or 2 or 3) human beings can possibly use! 2> Our "back yard" is tiny (23'x15'?) but it's the only one I've ever had and I love it! 3> I'm Mother to an Angel in Heaven who would've turned 10 this year. 4> I'm terrified to try again. (See #3) 5> I love being a married woman! 6> I love watching all the birds who come to eat the seed I throw out, especially the Cardinals & Downy WoodPecker, and a new arrival makes my day! 7> I'd love to own & live on a farm. 8> I hate clutter but I love stuff! 9> Corn Pops & AZ Iced Tea are like crack for me! 10> I love taking pictures & tend to take too many, don't upload enough or print them out. 11> I love weekly planners - the...

Seeing footage of September 11th, 2001 still takes my breath away, brings tears to my eyes and wrenches my gut. Every day now thru the Anniversary these images will haunt our television screens and then will fade away until next year. I could have been there that morning. Unlike so many have already, I can never forget.

Finally! 3 1/2 months after I started it. (I distract easily). I can honestly say that it is, so far, the most honestly written memoir I've read to date and for that it's amazin.! i under-lined many, many sentences in the book and I think I'm going to re-read just those parts before i put the book down to rest. WARNING: If you haven't read it and don't want anything to cloud your judgment, please don't read the rest of this paragraph and the next!!! I did want more closure at the end given the fact that I know liz gilbert goes on to buy a home and live in northwestern NJ & marries Felipe ~ she ends the book before anything concrete like that happens. I also tended to lose interest and get a bit bored during what I know refer to the 'history lessons' she gives in the book as backgrounds on different places and religious practices becauseIi felt it got a bit too academic (for my taste!) and lengthy. I also tended to lose interest at times when I felt I...

This is the first year that it has not been the same beautiful fall like weather as on the day our world and lives were altered in ways our worst nightmares couldn't have brought to us. This September 11th, it is dim, there's a gusty breeze and rain that is a heavy mist one moment and a steady soaking the next. When I was working, I made sure I had off on this day. When I wake, I turn on the tv to watch the coverage of the memorial ceremony at Ground Zero. I do not want to forget. I could've been on the 78th floor of World Trade Center Tower 2 that morning 6 years ago. But I backed out of the job I had accepted there, using the fact that it wasn't what I really wanted to do as an excuse for my cowardous. I happened to call out of my crappy job on Sept 11, 2001. I turned on the tv to see the news reporting a fire in Tower 1. I watched with disbelief as a plane flew into Tower 2 and the tv screen went black. I've become thankful for not being there inste...

i've dragged out the fall decorations ~ in previous years i've waited until the day after 9/11 to take down any of the summer patriotic stuff and will do so again this year. it's a very small way for me to pay my own tribute to the day and all those lost, i know and unless you were family or friends, you wouldn't realize that's why i do it but i feel it's better to do something than do nothing. i feel so connected to 9/11 and sometimes the survivor's guilt still overwhelms me. i could've been on the 78th floor of wtc tower 2, the south tower, that morning. for a very long time i felt i should've been and could not begin to understand how my life (the life i had up to 9/11 and even for nearly 3 years after) was worth more than any one of those who died who left husband's, wives and children. i felt they'd had the courage to do what i had back out on only 3 months earlier ~ work in manhattan in a high stakes career ~ how fair was it that i got ...