Skip to main content

what the hell is wrong with me?! aka: self analysis time!

it's 2pm already. i've just loaded the dish washer. there are still more dishes to do. the spare room (aka the cats room) needs to be vacuumed and wiped down. there are oodles of christmas decorations that need to be taken down from around the house and boxed. not to mention that i've got to exercise, 3 classes to do reading and exams for, writing & reading for personal reasons, i've got to get ready to go food shopping w/hubby after he gets home at 3:40pm...

i'll sleep in, call my mom, watch tv, whatever... all to essentially avoid doing anything. but why?! this is how my every day goes. so much to do, so much i want to do and by the time i go to sleep, i'll have done next to nothing and have still more to do tommorrow.

i hate when hubby asks me "so what did you do today?" ~ i'm ashamed that this is how i spend my time. or waste it, i should say. he has such faith in me, such belief in me. he sees so much in me, more than i ever could or do. he's not asking in a way to accuse me of doing nothing constructive, he's asking because he's genuinely interested, though i immediately react & take it like the wrong way.

i've written about this before, here and in my journals. i hate that my history is repeating myself and i feel like such a pathetic loser.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

An Enchanted Garden Party

Welcome to my post! To visit other participants, please head over to the Practical Magic Blog Party 2010 blog. I must say that while I think Practical Magic the movie is adorable, I think the novel is incredible. And that is where I gleaned my inspiration from for these festivities. Gardens are mysterious, magical and enchanting, don't you think? Now follow me out into the garden, I have everything all ready for you, including music! (Turn your volume on). *Update: Music has reverted to my regular Fall soundtrack, 9/28/2010* For all of you non Practical Magic Blog Party folks, head on over to NJ Through My Eyes where I've posted 2 new slide-shows today; one is a preview of a new project I'm working on!

A Walk Through The (Dis)Enchanted Forrest (Halloween Party Post)

Welcome & thank you for visiting my post! For more Halloween fun today & throughout the weekend, visit A Fanciful Twist . For more Halloween & Autumn Fun, check out my "Autumn Tuesday" & "Halloween Thursday" posts by clicking on their labels in the left hand column. ~Happy Halloween & Pumpkin Blessings! *Update for those friends wondering, I put this together prior to surgery yesterday to make sure I would be able to post it for today! (Though it didn't post at 12:01am like it was supposed to). Anyhoo, I'm home and resting (uncomfortably). Surgery went well, my kidney tube and stone are gone! I have an internal stent on the left hand side but I'm okay with that because it comes out in the doctor's office in 2-3 weeks (no back to the hospital) and especially because it meant they could take that nephrostomy tube out! (The last nearly 2 weeks of that 15 weeks was rough with that thing, my body was simultaneously trying to heal aroun...

Not Exactly Music To My Ears and Acceptance

Went to my 'every 6 weeks' follow-up doctor's appointment with my Rheumologist yesterday morning. Apparently my heart palpitations/racing (not often, though enough to be noticeable), vision issues (blurriness and discomfort) and muscle cramps (too often & not dehydration) are "disease progression." Not exactly music to my ears I can tell you that much. We discussed my pain & swelling levels (back on the rise through the last 2 iv treatments) and agreed that my iv med should be increased from 400mg every 8 weeks to 500mg every 8 weeks. (This brings me closer to the area of 800mg, which Dr. A feels would be the max dose for me, and the fact that I'm getting closer to that mark scares me). One good thing to note, my blood pressure was "normal" for (at least) the 3rd follow-up in row and without meds, so at least that's one less thing for me to worry about (though it's like a needle in a hay stack really). I'm always on the verge ...